Thailand Statistics

Over the last 10 days, I have:

1. Seen countless ladyboys
2. Seen countless disgusting old men with young Thai girls
3. Seen countless disgusting old men with what they thought were young Thai girls (but were really ladyboys. Hah, in your face, disgusting old man.)
4. Witnessed a scooter accident
5. Been to the full-moon party on Koh Phangan
6. Lost my mobile phone (and my shoes) at the full-moon party on Koh Phangan
7. Tried flame juggling (and not spontaneously combusted - that's the shocking part)
8. Come to the realization that all alcoholic drinks taste infinitely better when drank from a plastic bucket
9. Taken my and others' picture with the most random people ever
10. Sat on an elephant
11. Seen an elephant boner
12. Mountainbiked in Chiang Mai
13. Swum in a waterfall
14. Whitewater rafted
15. Held a snake
16. Had a falcon on my shoulder
17. Slept on a minibus twice, regular bus once
18. Taken 6 ferries, 2 speedboats, 1 longtail
19. Taken one 8-hr "airconditioned" bus
20. Been to "The Beach" beach
21. Snokeled with colorful fish and squid
22. Met 2 forensic dentists in Phuket there to identify the dead after Tsunami.

Now I'm back in reality - sitting in my New Product Development class back in Singapore and waiting to hold a presentation on something I don't have the slightest idea about...

Longtail Boat on Koh Khao, Thailand 

Words that I like for no apparent reason

Brink
Sweltering
Concubine
Voyeuristic
Magnanimous
Bangladesh
Splice
Episcopalian

Especially sweltering.

Welcome to the Four Seasons Hospital

You know you're in Singapore when a hospital emergency room resembles a visit to a hotel lobby more than anything. Here, the waiting rooms are pleasantly decorated with leather armchairs and mock lush greenery, there are three times as many staff as patients, and waiting time at the emergency room amounted to a whopping 5 minutes. It was weird: Singapore Tatler was on the glass coffee table, the nurses politely offered us drinks while in the waiting room, and I swear I could hear "Isn't she lovely" in the background.

Now you may wonder why I ended up in this healthcare instution. As it turns out, my flatmate Sonia is violently allergic to something - after eating Indian food at the Holland Village Food Court, she came home and before she knew it she eyes the size of tennis balls. Since she had little success with her epi-pen, Dan, her and I went to the hospital, and after an injection and some gas-mask action she was doing a lot better.

Needless to say, my views on the Norwegian healthcare system, not to mention the Canadian one, have worsened significantly.

Birthdays

Birthdays are so disappointing. Even when you're old enough for it to "not matter", they somehow have a tendency to make you get excited and whatnot. Then, even days before the day, you end up with that sad feeling because you realise the fact that there really is nothing to get excited about.

I wish one could just control these things, prevent them from happening or something. Because after the disappointment, inklings of self-pity seem to sneak in, and really, there is nothing more shitty than self-pity, be it your own or others'.

Ladies, gentlemen: I'd like to introduce you to Cynical Marianne. Hopefully she won't stay long.

China 

At the flower market in Victoria Park, Hong Kong. High spirits and lots of optimism... 

Just Duke it

Oh my.

Well, I have finally returned to Singapore, and I am so happy this is where I chose to go on exchange. After having spent almost a week in Hong Kong and China, I have learned many things about myself, the most important one being that I don't want to go back. There were some really good times the first few days - making a scene at the flower market in Victoria park, ladies night at venue, seeing Jani again and Kebabs, but seriously: there's no place like home (or, somewhere where the weather is warmer, people are friendlier and life is a lot simpler).

China was a meagre affair, really. As mentioned before, Josh from Kaiping never showed (for unknown reasons), which resulted in a depressing lack of flamingo-watching and being shown around. Instead, there were some rather significant struggles, communication was practically impossible, given that about 1 in 250 people spoke English (and by spoke I mean spoke terrible) and signs were only in Chinese characters. Furthermore, we had little idea what to do and so on, so we cut the visit short and came back to Hong Kong after only one night in Foshan and one in Shenzhen. The highlight, however, was definitely the one dinner we had in Foshan. The food was spectacular, even though no one braved the camel dish, and we had a great time with the people who worked there. Foshan being the bustling cosmopolitan place that it is, we were the only people in the restaurant, and while the staff found us rather entertaining (they even had their picture taken with us), we did overstay our welcome and left only after the lights had been turned off.

The only night out in China (excl. HK) was at "The Rave Club" in Foshan, and while it wasn't awful, I was disturbed by the sheer numbers of Communist guards that were in- and outside the club. Everywhere you looked your eyes were met by a khaki-clad dood, and it made the whole place seem so very strange.

But at least we've all been to China now - and while I'm sure there are others who have had better experiences, the Guangdong Province is not exactly the travel destination I would recommend to many. At least I scored some cheap dvds and - HURRAH, kitchy original Communist paraphernalia. I was so happy.

Last night in Hong Kong was pretty standard- after having spent far too much money at what must be the most exclusive Pizza Hut I have ever seen in my entire life, we just hung out in the hostel room and had some beer. The conversation drifted to politics and religion which not surprisingly resulted in a lot of noise, upon which we were "politely asked to leave". I went to bed after, while some of the others roamed the streets for a while, and then found it in their hearts to call my cellphone 7 times, then Dan's and then bang on the door for 5 minutes.

But now I'm back in Sweet Singapore - a place I have learned to appreciate more of due to the simple power of comparison.

Mind you, duking, flexing, being so sad/happy/angry, and David's mom, will never be the same.

Update from China

According to the guidebook that brutally consumed 49 of my hard-earned (cough) Hong Kong dollars, Foshan is one of China's 4 ancient cities. As of now, the only ancient thing I have seen here, is some of the items on the shelves of local convenience stores.

Hopefully we'll see something better when we go to the temple place today.

Otherwise, I spent Tuesday until Friday in Hong Kong, and while there were certainly some, ahem, difficulties, I have had a great time.

Difficulties included:

1. Creepy Wyoming guy with wife and kids who paid cover charge for 15 smu exchange students but then ended up fighting Dan because apparently Dan had "insulted his honor".
2. "Spectacular view" from the Peak in HK was actually more of vast whiteness. I LOVE smog.
3. hm. Maybe I was overreacting about the difficulties thing
4. oh no, hang on, HK IS TOO EXPENSIVE.

Anyways, on the Tuesday night we had a great time drinking around the markets, meeting random people and searching in vain for a good bar. The 7-11s got some good business out of us though. Night ended around 4 am, with promises of getting up at 8 am so that we could all get some sightseeing done at Big Buddha.

This obviously did not happen - but personally i thought 10 am was pretty impressive.

ok, post to be continued soon. It's time for some KFC for breakfast. I feel like I am living the movie Super Size Me.

6 am, sunrise from Leedon 2. Up too early for my own good due to circumstances beyond my control (who schedules a group meeting for 7.30 anyways?) 

Lost in Education vs Lost in China

I'm in school now. Too much work. It sucks. Just had a presentation on Negotiation and Conflict Resolution - a rather subpar performance, really.

I got an sms from Dan shortly after he arrived in Hong Kong yesterday, though - apparently the friend of Kara's that we're supposed to be staying with, never showed up...

Personally, I'd rather be in Hong Kong. 28 hours till departure!

- - -

Oh, and I have a question. Can anyone can explain to me why all buildings in Singapore have floors that become makeshift skating rinks when wet? Last night, on a late night Coke Light run to the Esso station I unknowingly entered a death-trap for all flip-flop wearers: the wet marble floor. Needless to say, I ended up sprawled all over the place, bringing a small shelf of kitkats down with me. Bruised, ridiculed, embarrassed. But worst of all: they were sold out of my drug of choice, my sweet addiction. I think I now understand the true meaning of bitter.

Random Observations and Lessons Learned

Singapore is a country where they play "Closing Time" by Semisonic and Wiener Waltzes when the library closes. They sell fishballs on sticks, almost a taste of home, really - fiskeboller i karrisaus. Alcohol is overpriced, but readily available at both the 7-11 and gas station. People eat durians, preserved eggs (preserved in horse piss, apparently) and fish porridge, but when it comes to western food, variety does not extend much further than a hot dog marketed as sausage or other food indifferentiable from each other due to the level of blandness. In Singapore you can eat dinner at 4 am in the morning, but the library closes at 2 pm. The MRT runs until mindnight, but they turn off the power on half the escalators at 10 pm. If you're male and want to go swimming, you technically have to wear a speedo. Calling people fat in different ways seems to be a favored pastime. Girls can drink as much as they want for free in many bars, while guys have to fight if they're under 25 or exposing shin skin. If someone you don't know asks you if you want to meet his "sister" - he probably means prostitute. Bacon is made from turkeys here, and a taxi driver responds much better to "uncle" than anything else. This is a nation where the daily humidity index is generally comparable to that of the average sauna, but you will get a cold from going to class because the air conditioning makes the classroom easy to confuse with a walk-in refridgerator. Shopping bags are carriers, and lineups are queues. There are a lot of queues. a lot. Landscaping is big here, I don't think wildflowers are legal. Maybe they just abide by the laws like pretty much everyone else.

Overall - different, interesting, fun, weird. But I like it here.

Would you like an STD with that?

Just came back from a quick dinner at the food court. Inga, Sonia and I were eating, when out of nowhere a representative from Planned Parenthood Singapore showed up, complete with a slideshow outlining the prevalence of genital herpes, gonorrhea and syphilis. Not only did we learn about the effects of venereal disease, but we also got a very graphic closeup of a penis with genital herpes wounds. Unfortunately, my dinner plate was filled with fried noodles. It was a veeery bad combination.

Peel Fresh Juice

This juice is an amazing discovery that I made on the way home yesterday:
Peel Fresh Mixed Fruits & Vegetables Juice Drink

Upon reading the ingredients list, however, I became somewhat disturbed:
"Fruit and vegetable juice and pulp concentrate:
Wheatgrass
Apple
Orange
Guava
Pineapple
Passion
Apricot
Mango
(so far so good)
Celery (we're moving towards the iffy territory, but I guess that's to be expected when I buy vegetable juice)
Lime
Carrot
Banana
Green Pepper
Gherkin (WHO PUTS PICKLES IN FRUIT JUICE!?)
Sauerkraut (Since when is this even a vegetable?)
Onion (...)
and
Beetroot

Tastes amazing though - strangely enough.

A Caribbean in Singapore

Contrary to popular belief, Labour Economics does not get more exciting if you have only had 3 hours of sleep. Thursdays are not good days, I have decided - for some reason beyond my knowledge (well, probably because of the whole "ladies drink free" issue), Wednesdays have become the night to go out and it's disagreeing quite loudly with my 8.30 class.

It was a quality evening though - since Jani's going for an internship in the EU Parliament, there was a huge goodbye party for him last night, complete with a Caribbean theme. Jordan bought some massive leis, and Jani showed up looking more like himself than ever - with white trousers, white shirt, white shoes and sunglasses.

I managed to reestablish my reputation as the clumsy person I've been trying to hide, by dropping a class on the pristine marble floor of team Aga's apartment. Not a popular move.

We went on to the Stamford Swissotel NewAsia bar about 45 minutes behind schedule (and believe me, there was a schedule), and it was amazing! It's on the 70th floor with awesome views of the city, and Seba got Jani some crazy drink where they put a bottle of Galliano on top of a martini glass, light alcohol on fire and pour it down over the bottle and you have to drink it with a straw while they pour so the glass doesn't overflow.

After that, we went on to a place called ChinaBlack - interrupted by a short trip to 7-11 where Sean had some good times with traffic cones (again). When I got back to the bar, though, I encountered some diffuculties. Apparently the flipflops I was wearing was "not appropriate attire" for the club. Mind you, the group that had entered before me was rife with the sort of footwear. So, since phone calls and text messages pleading people for a pair of shoes I could enter with failed, Jani lent me his. Nothing says classy like a skirt and men's shoes that are blatantly 4 sizes too big.

We had a short pit stop at a food court along the way to feed Kara some satay and Sean something non-alcoholic and then went on to Desire, where we stayed until it was way too late. 3 hours of sleep ensued, and then labour economics.


Post Script:
It is now Friday - after lying down for a nap at 4 pm last night, I woke up at 8.15 this morning. Sleep monster much!?

As a token of appreciation to my dear brother for sharing the address of this blog with others. Extreme Makeover - Drag Edition 

Steve

When did it become socially acceptable for men above the age of 40 to try things with girls that are still in university?

Last Friday I ran into someone who went to Queen's too, fair enough, we talked for about 10 minutes just about Canada and Queen's and whatnot. I thought it was pretty funny to meet someone who went to my school all the way in Singapore. Small talk gets old fast though, and I really just wanted to get the hellz out of there so I express my intentions to leave. Things go awry, however, when he takes my cell phone and enters his phone number. I try to explain that I'm not single in vain - apparently despite being middleaged and having English as a first language, comprehension is lacking.
I rapidly run away to play pool with the Irish.

Oh, did I mention that in the small conversation we had, he mentioned that he graduated in 1991? My grade nine math skills tell me that gives him an estimated age of about 36.

Situation gets even better when I get random phone calls the next day. Apparently he gave himself a missed call to get my number, and according to my answering machine, I should "feel free to drop by his hotel room any time".

WAAAHHHHH!

Phone calls persist for a few days, while I exercise call screening, ignoring and blatantly hanging up.

I hate it when older men think they're all young and hip. I'm 20, for crying out loud! when i was 5, he was 21. What did I do to deserve this? (By the way, if someone has a snide reply to that rhetorical question[cough,dan,cough], please refrain from answering. It's rhetorical).

Steve is officially on the same list as the Day Guard and Avril Lavigne.